the queen is dead

Its been ages since I've done much of anything really. I have no desire to pursue any hobbies beyond reading - and then, I really just want to worry about the problems of Westeros in lieu of my own. I have no desire to paint, to clean, to get dressed in the morning or wander outside the walls of my little blue apartment. I'd be content just to sit here in my bubble, in my cage, and pretend that nothing  in the world has changed. That everything is the same. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine I am in Stephenville again, its summer and I'm hiding away in my bedroom, or running down some jagged hill with a troupe of friends, or staring out at the ocean with eyes made of glass. Those days are gone, though. 

Its amazing how quickly people slip into and out of your life. I have made so many friends over the years, and now some fall into my acquaintance pocket, or are enemies, or have simply ceased to exist. Right now I feel like everyone I've ever known is gone and I am just left to fill up all the holes they've left. This is the loneliest time I've ever faced in my life. Which is sad and strange, because I've purged so much negativity from my life, and I am exactly where I hoped I'd be this time last year. Theres one major difference, of course.

On June 5th my very brave and beautiful mother lost a very short but fierce battle with lung cancer. Watching her slowly deteriorate over the course of that year is the hardest thing I've ever had to witness. Always a tiny woman, she dropped to a meager 80lbs, her skin was yellow and raw, and she had a look of pain on her face in the last few weeks of her life that I will never forget. In the last few weeks she was here, she was reduced to silence and suffering - strange to see, for a woman that seemed to talk and laugh almost incessantly. Some days she didn't even seem to know me - I was a stranger to her and she was almost a stranger to me. It is a strange experience, to watch the place you came from - the woman that made you, hair and cells and skin - to crumble away before your eyes. Nothing instills you with more hopelessness, nothing tears apart your spirit more. 

Its been almost two months now, and I can't say how I'm doing exactly. For the first few weeks every time I woke up and remembered that she was gone I would burst into tears. After awhile it got easier. Now its harder again, and this time I find I am kind of retreating into myself. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything or see anyone. I'd be content just sitting home playing video games and staring off into space. Wallowing in my guilt and regret, feeling sorry for myself & my family and angry at the rest of the world. 

  

Another facet of dealing with this is that for the first time in my young life I am confronted with my own mortality, something I thought I wouldn't face until I was gracefully middle aged. Yes I, Sierra Skinner, am going to die someday. I might get hit by a bus, or fall from the sky. I might do it willingly. I might die for months on end like my mother while my family tries to hold back tears. I might die an old woman in some nursing home, 98-years-old and surrounded by smiling nurses. However it happens, I just know for the first time in my life that I am not immortal. I am going to die. Youth is immortality, and I feel like my youth is gone forever. 

Meanwhile, what am I left with? How am I ever going to come to terms with the loss of my mother, to start living again? After all, despite being mortal I am alive for the time being, and I have put myself into a kind of stasis. I have closed my doors for the season, shut down. I don't know how to face the world feeling as I do, and I don't know how the world can accept me feeling this way. I wish it was as easy as it was at first - paint a smile on in the morning, talk about it unflinchingly, so bravely people would say. Now even thinking about my mom kills me, and the only image of her in life I can conjure up vividly is of her in a hospital bed on the last day of her life, struggling through each of her remaining breaths.

I feel completely alone, completely lost. I am drifting off to sea.

XO

look closer

Dave and I are the silliest little science kids ever. While he leans moreso towards dealings with chemistry and electricity I am - as you well know - all about the life sciences. I heart biology and medicine. I like the way giant latin names sound rolling around on my tongue. I like looking at plants, or body parts, or anything and being able to dissect them with my eyes - knowing what each part is by name and what its function is. Its a joy. A sweet, nerdy joy.

So I pretty much turned into a squealy schoolgirl when I came home from work the other night and found this beauty sitting on my coffeetable, with a very enthusiastic "EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!" written on top of its packaging: 

(Picture not taken by myself, of course.) Okay, so its from 1993. Parts were missing from the kit, and it only goes up to 80X magnification but STILL. I love looking at things under a microscope, but it always hurts my eyes after awhile - now it doesn't have to! I can just look at a screen! The microscopic world is so fascinating. Its just incredible seeing the individual building blocks that make up life. Being able to see things on a cellular level is such a different experience. Whenever I used to look through microscopes in bio lab, I'd always look up  from whatever I was staring at avidly and have a moment of surprise when everything just looked stationary and concrete.

To show the beauty of magnification:

  

A rose.

Rose petal cells. Do they not look like an abstract painting? 

So my goal for this little present is pretty much just to get the most enjoyment I can possible get from it. I'm going to be making slides of pretty much anything, so watch out for your hair and fingernails, friends. Everything is prey to the MICROSCOPE. The whole world shall be going on my slides. Also, I might get into doing some drawings again too - trying to follow the exact rules of specimen drawing, of course, which I forget. I wish I hadn't tossed out my old lab manuals. Sigh.

XO

my little cavern

Hello! Its been awhile since I've blogged, forgive me. The last few weeks have been an epic whirlwind of fun. I had an amazing journey with my lovely Sarah, filled with amazing food, tasty drinks (jellyshots & homemade berry wine = love), hilarious television, smoking galore and many, many outbursts of song. Oh, my sweet Sarah. I can't even put it into words. I didn't stop smiling. I ever so needed to get away from the city for some R&R and it was truly that. If the blueberries had been ripe, it would've been almost too perfect. Trust me, we looked (in our PJs). Best vacation ever.

Since I've been back, I've been mostly working, but I've had time for a few adventures. David and I embarked on a sunny, early morning adventure for breakfast and Johnson Geo Centre times. The Geo Centre is like, a museum devoted to... scientific history, one might say? There are exhibits about human evolution, space technology, the planets, oil, genetics (and the Titanic, but that gets a bit old after seeing it three times for me, really... though I love the old furniture). As you can imagine, we pretty much died of happiness. I was especially awe-struck by this:

This, my friends, is an Amethyst geode, and its pretty much the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. They had big enough for me to put my hand in at the Geo Centre, and it made me ache with sparkly purple love. They had one in the gift shop actually, but sadly it was $300. Someday! We also came across these adorable little buggers there:

OH MY GOD THEY'RE MICROBES. They had so many cute ones there, which were also mostly pathogenic! Yes, yes, their gift shop is kind of nerd heaven.  our day also featured apple walnut french toast, coffee,  strolling in the sunshine, yard sales, odd encounters and lots of giggles. It was pretty much magical. The boy is gone to Stephenville now, so I have my whole apartment to myself. I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom, and have been spending lots of time bonding with my bedroom - right now I have nice lighting, comfy clothes, candles, incense, the smell of clean sheets and music. I couldn't be more relaxed.

I must head to the land of dreams, sadly, friends. Overnight inventory with my boss tomorrow night, which should be a treat. Also tales of graveyard adventures, painting and desserts. There is love.

XO

somebody cure the skies

Today has been rather wonderful so far, despite the fact that it began for me at 7am. Or perhaps its so lovely because it began at 7am. I woke up to kisses and coffee and sunshine, and took the bus downtown to Water Street West to get the last part of my TB skin test, a tetanus shot and some forms signed by the oh-so-sweet nurse Stacy. I love that particular part of downtown so much, and its a shame that I never go there. I still haven't been to the train museum, and I can never seem to get down there when the antique shops are open, but I want to explore both in the near future!

Afterwards, I decided to treat myself to a good breakfast, it being 9am by this point, and my belly still empty. So I dove into Atlantic Place, picked up this month's issue of Wired (James Franco. IUDs. Medical ethics. This issue was more or less made for me!) and went to Cora's, where I had some delicious combination of cottage cheese, a poached egg, toast and of course DELICIOUS FRUIT. It bore the oh-so-cute title of "Peggy's Poached". I was looking for something light and delicious without any grease, and it was pretty much perfection. 

It pretty much looked exactly like that, except with more nectarines! MMMM NECTARINES <3

One thing that - well, I can't say "bothered" exactly, since nothing could cramp my style today, really - but amused me, I guess, was the INSANE weather. When I left my house this morning, I wore shorts and a t-shirt. It was 22 degrees and sunny out. When I left Cora's, it was pouring outside - like the sky had basically just ripped open and flooded the streets. You know the sort of rain where you stand outside for under a minute and you're drenched to the skin. This went on for about an hour or so. By the time I got halfway home on the bus, the sun was crawling out from behind the clouds again and the sky was blue. Its been raining on and off since, really. So weird. St. John's, your skies are ill and confused.

I've spent my time home watching Weeds and doing laundry. I have also enveloped a special special to be mailed to Ms. Jarl very soon! I had funny times at the Post Office buying the envelope, they are so nice there! 

So all and all, I had a good day. This is what you do when you have a silly schedule and the weather is schizophrenic - keep a smile on and make the best of it. It was really a beautiful day. 

What's your favorite thing to do alone on a summer's day? 

XO

nothing but the rain

Yesterday Sarah and I went on an adventure to look for pretty paper that ended in us giggling in a random parking lot at 10pm, smoking and drinking lemonade. It was a pretty beautiful time. Though we were unsuccessful in our pretty paper search (though there were some cuties, just nothing that was worth spending our last few pennies on), I did pick up a pack of oil pastels, which is a medium I've missed working with a lot. They're like crayons on crack, and are so fun and easy to use. I have watercolor wax pastels but they just aren't the same (though also very fun, and just as portable). I started drawing a self-portrait, and have come to the conclusion (yet again) that I fail at drawing facial features. This is why most of the things I draw don't have faces. NOTHING SHOULD HAVE A FACE.

Between monetary stress, all my friends slowly disappearing into the void and twiddling my thumbs waiting for next semester I feel like I'm pretty much going to go insane. Combine that with volunteering, working and being at the tail-end of my current (absolutely ridiculous) semester and you have a perfect recipe for one stressed out Sierra. Its a hard time to be alive, friends.

Things I want to do over my almost two month break to comfort myself:
- Read about anatomy.
- Get some more Philippa Gregory novels (she writes TERRIBLE historical romance novels about Tudor era England that I'm slightly addicted to, such a guilty pleasure).
- Draw and paint more.
- Write more poetry.
- Take a fuckton of epic, epic baths.
- Try to save up some money for schooltimes, possibly by depositing half of every pay cheque I get into the bank of David Stacey.
- Smoke a thousand cigarettes.
- Actually buy groceries and make myself something delicious to eat. I haven't bought "real" groceries in what feels like months. Can somebody please describe to me what an apple tastes like?
- Write letters to Lenore and Amki and make little things for them.


My boyfriend's 23rd birthday is tomorrow. I remember celebrating his 16th birthday with him over homemade pizza and root beer, so this is an odd thing really. I am trying to think of something I could possibly maybe make for him. Any suggestions, friends?


XO

so say we all

Excuse me friends while I have a nerdgasm all over your computer screen! It'll only take a moment, I swear. 

I have so much difficulty putting Battlestar Galactica into words. Allan and I have been watching the series for over two years now I think, and we're one episode away from the series finale. 

Its one of the best shows I've ever seen. It dazzles me what a complex universe they've created in just four seasons. Its about the end of the world, essentially. It all begins when humanoid robots (who, biologically, are entirely human... there are big clunky metal models as well) wipe out most of the human race in a nuclear attack. 50,000 people remain, and are left drifting through space in a fleet of ships. They are looking for a new planet to call home. The show has so many facets to it. It focuses on military strife, the reconstruction of the government, human ethics, worker's rights, the horrors of war. One of the great conflicts on the show is with religion - the humans are polytheists and essentially believe in the Greek gods, while the robots are monotheists and believe there is only one true God. The humans are hunted through space by the robots (who are called cylons), and must escape them at every turn.

I know a lot of people have an aversion to sci-fi but seriously... this show does a better job of portraying human relationships and depicting a believable system of society than a lot of shows I've watched. The show is largely about what it truly means to be human, and poses so many ethical questions. It has made me ponder and question my beliefs so many times. I'm in love with each character. The lady president with terminal breast cancer - the brave admiral of the fleet who treats each of his crew members like his own children - the amazing young pilots, who are totally badass. Even the cylons themselves, who become more and more human as the series progresses. I also admire how they live in a completely equal and gender neutral society - within the military ranks, everybody is called "sir", and the women on the show are just as tough and strong and capable  as any of the male characters, sometimes moreso... way it should be! Sigh, I don't want it to ever end.

Which television series have you all fallen in love with? Did it crush your heart to see them come to an end?

XO

the crimson petal and the white

Allan Ford and I have a special bond over many things - men, books, movies, music, and good television. We like nothing better than to curl up in his bed together for hours and watch amazing television. We laugh, we cry, we criticize, we feel deep embarrassment, we get into intense philosophical and psychological debates. I think a dream come true for us would be getting to direct and write our own series, but alas.

One of our mutual favorite books is "The Crimson Petal and the White" by Michel Faber. Its set in Victorian London, and follows the life of a prostitute named Sugar. She has the distinction of being incredibly articulate and well-read for a woman of her age and class, and when she's not, ahem, "servicing" gentlemen she spends her time composing a novel in which she gets her revenge upon all the men who have violated and wronged her in her life. She yearns to escape to something better. Luckily, she becomes the mistress and obsession of a man who owns a successful perfume and soap company - and leaves her old life behind. But thats just the beginning.

We heard for years that there was talk of making this incredible book into a movie - with Kristen Dunst, of all people, as Sugar. These, so far, have proved  to only be rumors. However, the BBC did a four-part miniseries based on the novel, and let me tell you friends, its an exquisite piece of awesomeness. The actors are superb and its so faithful to the novel in both script and atmosphere. Its one of the most beautiful creations I've ever seen, and exceeded all my expectations for a screen adaptation of the novel.

I beg you, if you have four hours to spare and want something visually pleasing, moving, and well acted to occupy your time, go find it! And read the book - its over 1000 pages long, but its amazing how fast those pages fly. 

XO

a girl & a boy.

 (This video is a bit odd, but I think its incredibly beautiful and the song makes my heart explode more or less everytime I hear it... which is about a 100 times a year for the last 6 or 7 years.)

This past week has been pretty lovely. I got myself a job! At Marie's Mini Mart. I get to wear khaki pants and a dorky little paisley scarf and sell cigarettes and bologna. Doesn't get any better than that. Oh, maybe it does... I got a fucking 70% in chemistry, which made me woop for joy and dance a bit. All the sweat and tears paid off, I suppose.

This Friday I got to celebrate my wonderful country's 144th birthday with all my best friends, on Mullock Street's very pimped out back deck. There was lots of wine floating around and weiners and Amki made this homemade potato salad (WITH HOMEMADE MAYO) that pretty much killed me. We all hung out on the street to watch the fireworks and oooh-ed and awww-ed quite a bit. It was fun. I got home at about 5am, when it was broad daylight out. Can't complain. I spent the night in a minimal drunken state around a blazing firepit with three of my very favorite people in the world, so seeing the sun come up wasn't so terrible a thing. I felt so warm and sleepy and happy and went to bed smiling, I assure you.

July 1st was also special because it was myself and the boyfriend's 7th anniversary. After 7 years I guess its not a big deal, but everytime it rolls around I'm filled with warm happy feelings and delightful memories and so much gratefulness and love. I got him Matthew Good's new CD (which was totally also a present for me... we listened to it on repeat all morning) and he bought me lunch and beers and we wandered in the sunshine. There was an old man on a balcony on the 2nd floor of the Yellowbelly playing folk songs on the accordion and singing, and all the old folks on the Trapper John's deck were wooing and singing along. It was a magical sight to behold.

So yes, I've had quite the lovely weekend. There really isn't anything like surrounding yourself with beautiful friends and love - AND SUNSHINE. The sun finally came back, and my back is a lovely tinge of scarlet just to prove it, and I am wearing my sunburn proudly. Who knows when I'll get another.

For the thousandth time... I am really so grateful and happy, always. My life feels so spot on of late, and I can't find a single thing to complain about really. A job, school, good grades, a beautiful boyfriend, the greatest friends a girl could ask for, sunshine... really, what else could I want? Maybe to win the lottery, but I don't want to jinx anything.

XO

strange history

Oh, friends! Oh! It is so very lovely to be back in this wonderful seaside city. Don't get me wrong, I adored being in Stephenville, and I had a little cry after my dad dropped me off at the airport (made worse because I was clutching my newly acquired Fozzie Bear stuffy, so I probably did look like a big baby), but being back here makes me feel really, really HOME. 

I had some brief and wonderful visits with good friends yesterday, and spent the evening snuggling and giggling with Dave, and had the best sleep of my life. I woke up bright and early, without a stuffy nose or puppies crawling on my face, so I feel very happy indeed. Now its coffee and a grilled cheese sandwich before I start my Russian History class! Excitement! 

Also, this evening I have a job interview with Marie's Mini Mart. The lady there sounds incredibly sweet and awesome, and I can't believe she actually waited until I got back from a 5 day vacation to interview me. I hope this means she'll give me a job! My fingers are crossed. Tomorrow, I'll be getting my jazz finished up for my Eastern College application, so I am hoping by Thursday morning that I'll more or less have the rest of my year figured out. Its a comforting change.

I have this strange and terrible habit of going back in time when I'm in Stephenville. Mine and Dave's anniversary is coming up in a few days (7 years, what the fuck), and I was thinking back on our relationship and found myself perusing Gmail for hours and reading the 100+ emails (which, by the way, isn't even an exaggeration) we sent each during our hopefully last 6-7 month breakup. And you know what? It wasn't even depressing. It didn't make me angry. It just filled me with gratitude and hope and reminded me of how intensely loved I am. Some of them were hilarious, others were like tender lovesick poems. We are the strangest people. I feel very lucky, though.

Now, I am off to shower, friends! I wish you all a good day, and I hope I see all of you soon. And also, now that I am bathing suit equipped I'd really love a pool date soon if anybody would love it. Let me know!

XO

this place has gone to the dogs

The family cabin itself! Formerly known by its business title of Heatherton Lodge.

 

My West Coast vacation is slowly drawing to a close. I just returned from the family cabin, where I've spent the last two days. It was so very nice to be back out there after so long! Everything was exactly the same.

This cluster of trees used to be much thicker, and my siblings and I used to play in the center. It had the very unoriginal name of "the tree house".

Yesterday evening, my dad cracked and bought me a salmon license, despite the fact that I was only going to be in town for another day. One of his friends owns a hay farm, and a very nice and usually plentiful part of the Crabbe's River is on the other side of it, so we went fishing down there. It was pretty gorgeous. The farmers were hauling the hay which was pretty delightful to witness - the bales were gigantic! They also had very pretty clover fields. I found Gerard a giant lump of what I think is pink quartz on the riverbank, and I flyfished for about 2 hours straight with my daddy. Neither of us caught anything, but it was nice to have some daddy/daughter time.

The driveway! 

 

Seeing Myron and Kathy was delightful as well - Myron is a chef, and Kathy is an RN so we had lots of awesome chats about both fields of work, and they were pretty delighted with how much I've grown up. They're pretty much like my American grandparents, I've known them since I was a baby. Friday night we had a pretty typical Skinner family party, at which the number of dogs actually outnumbered the people for awhile (our three dogs, my mom's puppy, and Myron and Kathy's three pure bred English Springer Spaniels.) We were all pretty tipsy.

Some very tipsy adults snacking out. You can't see my mom's face, but I think she wanted it that way.

It was a great trip, but I am pretty excited to get back into the city. I miss my friends, I miss my apartment, I miss my boy. Tomorrow friends! Tomorrow!



 XO

secret life

I'm back in my hometown of Stephenville, and for the first time its actually easy and not a bit strange being home. I'm one of those people who is usually filled with a sickening feeling of dread the second I get into town, and I was surprised this time to just feel very relaxed and very relieved. My days thus far have consisted of delicious BBQ, snuggling four dogs and one cat to death, and hanging out with my parents and my sister's fiancee. Nothing extravagant, just comfortable and relaxing. Exactly what I wanted. Tomorrow, we are off to the cabin for some trout fishing and, well, more BBQ. And quite possibly quite a few drinks and even more laughs.

Also, since I've been out here I've acquired two items that make my life that much happier. The first is a one-piece bathing suit thats actually cute, something I've been looking for all summer. And it was 10 fucking dollars. Wal-Mart, I love you. Mind you, its still a bit busty, but I'd have to swim in a potato bag to hide my chest really.

The second was a gift from my future brother-in-law - a stuffed Fozzy Bear! You know, the Muppets character? I am always gushing about how much I love the Muppets, and he came home from the store with it for me today. Sister, you could not be marrying a sweeter man.

Now I'm off to watch some "House". I've started rewatching the series again. Its the only medical drama I've ever loved! Also, another of the joys of being home? Its the only place I can smoke inside! Which is ironic, since its my dad's house. 'tis why reading & smoking is one of my favorite things ever - I used to do so while curled up in bed. Sigh.

How's the East Coast? How are your lives?

XO

west siiide

The last few weeks, I've had the strongest desire ever to be on the West Coast, for so many reasons. The salmon season is open, which means cabin season for the Skinners... I've pretty much spent 3/4 of every summer since I was a baby at my cabin. And its a place I adore, for so many reasons.

It functions as my dad's hunting lodge in the autumn (a family business thats been ongoing for two generations), and its been a dream of mine to have a party out there since I was a little kid. There are 3 bedrooms, each with 2 beds apiece, the comfiest couch ever, and a fold-out bed. Also, acres of fields behind it to pitch tents on!

Heatherton and Robinson's and the surrounding area are just lovely in general. Its like maybe 5 or 6 little communities, all along one road. Lots of farmland and marshes and rivers pouring out into the ocean.

Somebody in my family owns this plot of land, I don't even remember who. Does it not look like one of those COME VISIT NEWFOUNDLAND ads?

This is the mouth of the Robinson's river, down below my Nanny Delaney's cabin (which I'm sure I'll also be visiting!) This is where my daddy and I usually go sea trout fishing, and man are they tasty!

In less than 24 hours, I'll be home. I am excited to get out of the city and into the countryside for awhile, to just surround myself with beauty and family and tranquility. I'll probably be heading to the cabin on the weekend, as my father is going halibut fishing for two days the day I get out there (this trip was very spontaneous, and halibut is delicious so I'm not upset). But that just means hanging out with my momma, getting fed delicious food, and loving on my dogs, as well as my mom's new puppy, Bailey, who I am in love with already.

EXCITEMENT <3



XO

road to somewhere

I had a very long chemical day today, with the funnest lab ever this afternoon - so many fun colors and interesting smells! Now I am heading home to make some delicious food for my beautiful friends, and maybe watch some Arrested Development (I've seen it a thousand times, but I am addicted, really... its the best show ever to just throw on no matter what you're doing).

In other news - anybody remember me bitching about wanting to start a poetry blog? I'm sure I did so within the last five days or less. Well, I did it! And I have some of my old poetry chums on board and liking the idea so I am pleased. Also, very pleased with how the layout turned out - I made the banner myself, ain't it purdY? Hopefully I can keep up with the challenge of having two blogs, I've heard its pretty daunting. But we'll see! Still sorting out everything for it, but I'll be posting my own poetry and other poetry related stuff, and anybody is welcome to send me things to post - the details are all there if anybody is curious.

Now, I must scurry home. I love you all.


XO

princess leslie feist of canada

 

Daniel Tobin & I have too much fun together. Our friendship is like crack - we can't get enough of it and when we're away from each other for more than a day at a time we go through some serious withdrawal. Last night we got together for an adventure of mass proportions, that included so much food I'm amazed I can stand up today (pork chops, mashed potatoes, cheesecake, popsicles, popcorn, followed by a spontaneous second supper and drinks at Jungle Jim's). During our time together, he introduced me to a beautifully magnificent documentary that I am making everybody watch, as a requirement for maintaining my friendship.

The documentary is titled "Look at What the Light Did Now", which is about the beautiful Ms. Leslie Feist and the process she went through in creating the album and the tour for her album "The Reminder". And may I just say, it made me both ashamed and sad that I have not seen her live yet. She worked with an artist to create this intense shadow imagery for her live shows that just took my breathe away, and the scenes of Feist in her GORGEOUS home recording her album were so very delightful. You should see her house! Its like she lives in a fairytale. She seems like the sweetest person alive, and I want to be her best friend.

WATCH IT OMFG.

XO

seeds.

Yes, it has been ages. I have no internet and school is out so I very seldom find myself online these days. This doesn't bother me too much, I can do everything I want to do on the internet in about 15 minutes flat. Facebook? Friends' blogs? News? Done. I'm not a big internetter, I'm afraid. But I've been having a good life offline - lots of books and love and movies and such. I love break, its gorgeous. I got excellent marks on my second semester of university and summer is slowly crawling towards me. Life feels pretty good.

I've been reading lots and lots lately. It feels pretty good. Here are some books I've read over break so you can all giggle at me:

"Emily of New Moon" by L. M. Montgomery.
"The Other Boleyn Girl" by Phillippa Gregory.
"Utopia" by Thomas More.
"Tropic of Capricorn" by Henry Miller.
"The Last Unicorn" by Peter S. Beagle (FINALLY!!! Allan lent me his copy and it was seriously everything I hoped it would be... so beautiful. Read it right now.)

I've been a busy little bee. Some great books, some trashy romantic historical fiction (love them), some other stuff that falls pretty well in the middle.

Also... I'm growing a pretty tea plant! I will post pictures here someday if I ever have the means to. It was one of my summer goals to grow something and it is sprouting all green and beautiful so I am very pleased.

Now, some 30 day movie challenge? Think so. I know its been ages but I will only do three. Needs to milk this for all its worth, hehehe.




DAY 18: THE FUNNIEST MOVIE YOU'VE EVER SEEN


"Wet Hot American Summer", 2001.

This movie pretty much defines mine and Allan Ford's friendship. Its about the last day of summer camp in the '80s, and stars a lot of the old school Saturday Night Live cast and lots of other pretty hilarious people. Its absolutely ridiculous and pretty much makes milk and other fluids come out of my nose. I've seen it about 15 times but it still absolutely kills me. If you have a twisted, silly sense of humor I think you'd feel the same. Also, a great summer movie. I've begun harassing Allan to watch it with me again already.










DAY 19: THE MOVIE THAT SCARED YOU THE MOST

"The Ring", 2002.

Okay, in my defense I first saw this movie when I was in grade eight, but for the first time in my life I was scared to sleep in the dark, and a little freaked out by TVs. No horror movie has ever freaked me out more. Also, as far as j-horror remakes this one is pretty great. Naomi Watts is awesome and the cinematography - all the grainy black and blueness of everything - was so eerily beautiful. This movie also kicked off my obsession with j-horror originals that lasted many years. Most are silly, but I've found some gems. Also, the original is particularly creepy. Great horror movie.









DAY 20: A MOVIE YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE HAVE SEEN


"The Dreamers", 2003.

This movie is delectable, and I've only met maybe like 3 people in my life that have seen it. So underrated, in my opinion. Its set in the 1960s in France, with the riot of 1968 as a backdrop for the film's events. It focusses on three friends - an American and two French siblings - who are students and film buffs, and much of the film is composed of clips from famous old black and white films that the friends are reenacting or remembering. The acting is gorgeous, and its incredibly sexy and funny and sad. A bit incestual, but its done tastefully and adds a lot to the film's story. I can definitely recommend. One of my favorites.









Thats all for today. I am at Mullock currently with Daniel my love, who yesterday purchased the Krupp diamond for me, or the most inexpensive alternative he could find at least. It is lovely. I am having a most wonderful Sunday, and I hope that you are too.


XO

30 days of film.

I decided to do something fun with my blog! A bunch of people on facebook have been doing something called the "30 day movie challenge", which looked incredibly fun, so I decided to do it here in blog form! Its similar to the 30 days of lists challenge everyone has been doing around blogland. Basically, you get a category of sort's each day and you have to pick your favorite, or sometimes least favorite, from said category. I adore movies, always have. Theres nothing like an amazing movie to take you out of the world and put you in somebody else's place for awhile, whether it be for good or bad. I love movies that make me imagine. I love movies that make me cry (which is very hard to do, you'd laugh at some of the movies I've cried at, though). So here I begin! With day 1!


DAY 1: FAVORITE MOVIE

"American Beauty", 1999.

I really wish this question was last, just because this is the hardest one to answer I feel. Its so hard for me to narrow down a movie I'd consider my "favorite". But the one that always springs to mind immediately when asked this question is probably American Beauty. I've seen it too many times to count. The acting is superb, particularly Kevin Spacey and Annette Benning. Their hilarious chemistry as Lester and Carolyn is perfect. I love all the different questions the movie brings up about the nature of beauty and appearances, sexuality, and suburban life. Also, the script was written by Alan Ball, the mastermind behind "Six Feet Under" and "True Blood". Its perfect in almost every way. And every time Elliott Smith's cover of "Because" by the Beatles starts playing as the credits role my heart breaks a little bit. If you've never seen this movie, please do. I beg of you.


Thats all for today honeys! Now I'm off to fiercely stick my pretty nose into some hardcore biological study, hooooorray~


XO

are you human?

Another lovely weekend spent with my lovely friends. Friday we hit up Mullock House for exactly what I wanted after my hellishly stressful week - a sloppy, silly night full of awesome music, dancing, hugs and delicious food. I passed out in my friend Daniel's bed like a happy, drunken baby and woke up to a day of pretending it was summer with 10am outdoor beers and wandering around parks with two of my favorite boys.

I followed that up with two days of lazing around with one of other favorite boys reading and studying. Tonight the boyfriend & myself left the cozy confines of our underground lovenest for bookshopping and delicious food.

At the end of this weekend - which turned out to be lovely, stressfree, productive, and comfortable as anything - I could really not be happier. Its time like this that remind me how lucky I am to have the life I do, and to have the people in it that make it so very sunny. Thanks, friends & lovers <3

I decided to take the summer semester at MUN, as well. Its either go to school or have a shitty job, and at least taking classes I won't have my soul hollowed out by a minimum wage job. In the meantime, I get to stress about this semester and try not to think about my Centre for Nursing Studies application, which I am hoping is in loving, considerate hands.

I am in the process of writing a short story now, an odd thing for me. I don't usually write, well, anything. I am also working on another mysterious short piece (SARAH) which I'm hoping will reach completion by tomorrow at the very latest. I am way past my deadline.

That is all for tonight. I am off to sprawl out on my couch like a comfy, happy cat and finish reading "The Divine Ryans" by Wayne Johnston, which so far is actually really enjoyable.

XO

there are no words for what i'm feeling.

I had a pretty terrible Valentine's day, all things considered. I spent most of the day at school by myself, or curled up on my couch with my head poked into a psychology book trying not to run out of my house screaming. Its a long story, and mostly has to do with me being indecisive and insecure. Another time.

Then I got a phone call that turned my mood around entirely. It turns out my older sister, Sabrina, is pregnant! Not only that, shes also engaged! I am pretty much bursting at the seams with joy. This is both the first wedding and the first birth to occur amongst my immediate family, and to receive news of both within 24 hours is almost too much for me. Her fiancee is so sweet and kindhearted, I know he's going to take the best care of her ever and be such a good dad, and shes gonna be a wonderful mom.

My family has endured so many hardships over the years, so I sort of feel like our luck has finally turned, at least for now. New additions to our family, new life, new people to love. If I believed in God, I'd say he'd finally decided we'd had enough and decided to throw as much happiness as possible at us within the last year. My parents and siblings are healthy and happy, and now we get to spread so much of that happiness around. I can't wait for their wedding, and I can't wait to hold my new niece or nephew in my arms and speak French to them and buy them Dr. Seuss books and watch them grow up.

Life is fucking beautiful.


XO

somebody to love.

I cannot sleep because The Strombo Show, my preferred Sunday night sleepytimes radio program, is playing a barrage of '80s music that makes me both nauseous and a bit uncomfortable. Though I have to admit, I die for Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield" and "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division. But who doesn't? The rest all sounds like stuff I could hear on K-Rock at any point of the day or night. I think Georgie is having a midlife crisis. Poor Georgie!

In my lack of sleepies I should probably really be studying, but after watching two Psychology lectures, reading three chapters, and reading over two sections of slides for my Modern Biology & Human Society class this evening can't really say I'm too motivated to. I have a quota for how much of my limited attention span can be focused on academics each day, it would seem. Which isn't very long. I wish I could focus more on important things and less on stuff like novels I've already read and Zelda, but what can you do. Thats me and everybody, I guess.

I had a pretty good weekend. Friday the friends and myself headed out to my friend Lora's dad's lovely home in Flat Rock, which is a pretty little town outside St. John's. Most beautiful house in the entire world, it even has a three story greenhouse with all sorts of pretty plants and a loft and the entire house is filled to the brim with sunlight in the morning, its amazingly beautiful. Also, I want to kidnap her pets, they are so lovely. I got painfully drunk and we all ran around like sillies and the next morning hung out in plaid pajamas and ate Pizzaronis and taquitos for breakfast, and looked positively stately, as good friends do the morning after a bash.

Yesterday I ate at the Sprout with my sweetheart and wandered around downtown, spent the rest of my evening chez Empire where Amki and I drooled over gorgeous men in romantic comedies and wished we could whisk ourselves away to Italy for the rest of the winter. If only, the cold here is really starting to get to me. I miss grass, and sunshine. I miss colors and warmth and long days.

Today I woke up so contrary that I had to immediately crawl back into bed and sleep for another five hours or so, in some hope of feeling like a normal human being again. I don't know what's up, I felt like a tired little pile of poop all day. Very angry poop, very sad poop. The idea of being awake and doing anything, even drinking a cup of coffee, made me want to burst into tears. 

Winter does fucked up things to my brain.

XO