my frantic life

I felt like I had to follow up my last very pessimistic blog post with some happier words. Truth is, I am having the hardest time I've ever had stress-wise and financially, but there are so many little moments of happiness thrown in amongst the hardship that it makes it a little bit easier. I've come to terms with the fact that this is going to be a very poor semester for me. And that I am very rarely going to see my friends throughout it. But in the end, I feel like I am working towards something for the first time in my life AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD.

So far, my PCA course is going great. I am learning a lot, and my instructor is hilarious, very straight forward, has awesome (frightening) stories and dispenses amazing advice. I've only had a week of class so far and I've already learned crazy amounts. My first test was this afternoon, and I've never had an easier time with a test in my life. I flew through it and there was only one question I even momentarily hesitated on. I guess being genuinely interested and excited helps with the studying. Also - my classmates? Love them. I have so many smoking buddies, and they're all so sweet and nice. You can just tell that we're all going to be a little family by the end of it. Makes me less nervous about the group work, for sure. 

As for my life outside school, I don't have much of one at present. Still volunteering at Planned Parenthood once a week. Still working roughly 26 hours or so a week. Work is oddly a nice rest from school, where I have to be all professional-like and watch my mouth - at work, I can curse up a blue streak and act as silly as I want. I had a fun adventure with friends before the havoc of school got into full swing which was nice - hiding in the park behind my house eating 2 pizzas and 2 garlic fingers in under 10 minutes? We be class acts. It was lovely. 

One great set of tips our instructor has given us so far was about time management - particularly, that saying "no" to people is hard but sometimes you just have to do it if you want to get anything done or have any time to yourself. This is truth. I am the worst person in the world at this, as I feel guilty saying "no" to anybody, but its something I have been trying to start doing already. That, and trying to go to bed early. Lifestyle makeover, much. 'tis a hard thing for a lazy procrastinating girl so set in her ways. 

Tonight: six hours of work, and then coming home to drink beers and watch The Muppets with the boyfriend before wonderful, wonderful sleep. Despite the fact that I will be working for almost 21 hours of it, I am going to try and enjoy this weekend as much as humanly possible.

XO

protège moi

I've noticed that lately, my musical choices have been extremely nostalgic ones. I've been drifting back to bands and songs I listened to in high school, and its like stepping into a time machine, and its all just beautiful images without all the weight and tired trembling.

Its amazing how much emotion and memory music can evoke. The way lilac bushes smelt on a particular damp morning - walking home alone in red heels on a summer morning - the sound of the ocean surging, just as the sky is starting to wake up. I just close my eyes and I'm there, in tiny pictures between the notes of songs. Music is really the best way to climb into the past. Music sort of plants its roots in me most when I'm on a walk, on a mission, alone with my thoughts, so many of my best musical memories concern walking - to something, away from something, smiling, in tears, just walking for the sake of it, walking because I'm too drunk to go home just yet. 

Everything changes, doesn't it? I wonder what my soundtrack for this particular year of my life will be. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

XO

anatomically correct

I'm having such a hard week. Not because anything crazy is happening in the least, no worries, I just feeling like I haven't stopped all week! Its all very productive and useful, but I feel very drained by it. This week I've:

- gotten up at 7am three times, tomorrow will be the 4th (not used to this at all anymore, and I still go to bed at 2am every night, er, morning)

- taken the bus about 5 times, which is never fun

- walked for about 4 hours total (no big deal, but i can't even explain how lazy i am lately... walking to the bathroom is an effort for me sometimes)

- volunteered at the regatta with planned parenthood doing this lottery type thing; i spent almost 5 hours yelling at crowds of people at the top of my voice and stayed an hour and a half later than i was supposed to (because i was late and felt bad)

- gone to 1 class... for under a minute (to hand in a paper)

- gotten a TB vaccination which i had to walk/bus down to Water Street for, twice (and I have to return next week)

- worked for 12 hours, so far... today will make it 18, 25 total by midnight on Saturday 

- slept for fewer hours than I'll be working this week

- tomorrow, have to arise early again for four hours of volunteer training at Planned Parenthood

Its all extremely productive and working towards, essentially, my PCA program this fall and my hopeful future RN degree. I comfort myself with images of myself wearing expensive winter coats and new glasses and being able to buy enough groceries to feed 6 people when I'm making over twice the amount of money per hour that I am now. Its a nice image, really. Also, being super duper productive feels a lot better than sitting on the couch in my bathrobe watching reruns of Glee and the Tudors. 

The best part about today: I had delicious coffee downtown at Chatters by myself in the fog, and it was nice and quiet and pretty. Also, I went to Afterwards Secondhand Bookstore and found a copy of "Gray's Anatomy" (the medical textbook, not the series) and a random textbook about zoology from the '40s. I realize I am a nerd, but you don't know how pleased I am - I've wanted a copy of Gray's forever and I got both of these books for under $20! Sometimes I miss living so close to downtown. 

XO

the boy who could explode

I'm having the most distracted, headachy, tired ol' time in the library today. I've been half-assedly studying chemistry (which is shameful, considering I have an exam TOMORROW) and reading words new and old by friends and strangers alike.

I actually posted things on my deviantART account for the first time in about 2 and 1/2 years, and I was surprised that people are still watching me and remember that I exist. Its nice to be remembered. That site is so weird - its like a time capsule of my entire attempt of being artistic since the age of 13 or so, and there are things both embarrassing and beautiful. I am sad I don't have all my old notes and journal entries, I should've kept them, though I would probably cringe at some of the things I've said and done in the past. I cringe at things I did a week ago, even.

What's everybody else doing today? Is anybody as bored and lazy as I am today? If I could be doing anything right now, I'd want to crawl under about 3 blankets on my couch and watch a movie, with snacks and tea.

How about you guys?


XO

fish like little silver knives

Last night I finally had the pleasure of being inside my own house for more than 4 hours at a time, and oh boy was it nice. Dave and I spent the whole night studying and watching "Curb Your Enthusiasm", and woke up this morning to more sunshine and more studying. I like being home, I never really appreciate it as much as I should until I get home after being off doing whatever it is I do. I love my blue carpets, my excessive amount of posters and silly knick-knacks, my books, and of course my hat wearing ukelele playing dreamboat. What a sweetie.

Since I am behind again, it is time for some more 30 day movie challenge! Hooray!

DAY 7: A MOVIE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

"Breakfast at Tiffany's", 1961.

Okay, you all knew I'd have to loss some Audrey Hepburn in here eventually. She's the prettiest lady ever, and this movie always puts the biggest smile on my face ever. Between Audrey being endlessly charming, her nameless cat, and her relationship with George Peppard, I can't help but die over this movie. My favorite part is when they decide to spend the whole day doing things they've never done before, I've always wanted to try it myself. There are definitely some sad parts to the movie, but overall its the kind of movie that just makes you feel awesome. Loves it.







DAY 8: THE MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIE 

"The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus", 2009.

Man, did I ever get myself in a hype over this movie. Beautiful special effects, Heath Ledger's last movie, AND TOM WAITS IS IN IT? How could it possibly be bad, right? Wrong. It definitely had the potential to be a cool movie, its a sort of sold your soul to the devil struggle between good and evil kind of movie. I can't even really explain what its about, it was that confusing. The worst part was in the Imaginarium scenes they kept switching Heath Ledger's character between actors, as he died before the film was completed, so suddenly he'll be... Colin Farrell! Or... Johnny Depp! They should have just revamped his character, had him disappear early in movie for some unknown reason. I definitely liked some parts of it, like the lovely visuals and Tom Waits, but other than that my brain just hurt after I saw it.


DAY 9: THE WEIRDEST MOVIE YOU'VE EVER SEEN 

"Nowhere", 1997.

Seriously, what other movie even deserves this mention? "Nowhere" is quite possibly the weirdest, trippiest, funniest movie I've ever seen. Its so over the top cheesy that its awesome, that sort of movie. The costumes and sets are atrocious, the acting is even worse, and its quite literally everybody's first movie. Mena Suvari, Ryan Phillippe, Heather Graham, Rose McGowan, Shannon Doherty, John Ritter... there are so many random people in this movie! Seriously! I could name a dozen more! Its plot is that of a typical '90s movie, really. Its about a bunch of teenagers all trying to get to a party and the madness that ensues along the way. There's a candy dress, dinosaur like aliens walking around that shoot people with lasers and make them disappear, subliminal suicide messages in Religious informercials, a guy getting his face beat in with a can of Campbell's tomato soup, and did I mention the ending? Two boys are lying in bed together when suddenly one explodes into a giant beetle, says "I'm out of here", and crawls out the window. What the fuck, right? Right.

Thats it for today, methinks! I am off to study some more of well, everything. And tonight methinks perhaps my lovely damsel Amkiram has something planned, I am not sure. Needs to figure it all out. I am sleepy. I bought a copy of "Utopia" by Thomas More as a post-exam treat for myself, gotta love those 1500's philosophers. Love you all, weee.

XO