its always better when we're together

Its a hard time in life. Dave has taken to calling me Eeyore, because all week I've been making suggestions to myself that are either peppy or practical or what have you, then following them by a very unenthusiastic "but what's the goddamn point". Yesterday sort of showed me that there is in fact a point. 

I was in a sad little mood, and my lovely Sarah and I went down to a duck pond with ice cream and chicken fingers. We talked about life over a million cigarettes, while the sky painted pictures with clouds for us and old people held hands. We watched a true display of friendship when a guy fearlessly jumped into the scuzzy pond to rescue his friend's dog. We got crafty together on a park bench, and eventually our sighs of anguish and frustration turned into silly smiles and laughter. Afterwards we went to bulk barn and I giggled at my boyfriend's enthusiasm for peanut butter and lentils. Later that night, I got to hug a friend I haven't seen in months and tell her stories, surprised that my life hasn't stopped completely and I actually have stories to tell. I have a life. Stuff happens in it. Some of those things are wonderful. 

My point here being that I have been reminded of my own personal mantra - that life is a cycle, and where there is good bad will follow, and where there is bad good will follow. Its been one of the hardest summers of my life, I've lost so many beautiful things. I've been stressed. I've been poor. I've questioned and cursed and been furious. But where there is darkness, there is light. I'm just grateful for the people I really care about now and all the things that make me happy. Life will get become incredible again in little baby steps, as it always does. Its already happening. And even despite the badness, I can still honestly say that I am happy, and that I am grateful.

So, in keeping with this trend of happiness, I'd like to make a list of the things that are making me happiest now, and are more or less sustaining my life force. Here goes!

1. Memories.
2. Big, green leaves catching the sunlight everytime I walk out my front door.
3. Good cups of tea, like earl gray and the lemongrass matte I bought yesterday! Its heaven for my aching throat.
4. GIANT BAG OF MINESTRONE. Also from my Bulk Barn adventure. I love soup, and minestrone is my favorite, so I am a happy girl at present.
5. Battlestar Galactica times with Allan. I'm a sucker for a good sci-fi series, and as we're drawing to the show's end my breath is taken away more and more by the utter brilliance of the writers, the actors, the composers. Its incredible in every way.
6. Writing. I've been writing lots of poetry lately, and it is making certain parts of my heart feel at peace with other parts.
7. My beautiful friends, who are always there for me no matter what.
8. My job, which may sound funny, but its so nice to be making money again and have a place where I can shut off my brain completely! Its a blessing sometimes.
9. I am warm all the time.
10. Listening to '90s music.
11. Reading Kurt Vonnegut novels.
12. Clean, wonderful smelling laundry.
13. Fruit.
14. Dreaming about the future.
15. Painting and drawing again.
16. My boyfriend's silly dances.

Not anything particularly extraordinary, but its the little things, you know?


XO